Was the old lady Hagdalina Magdalina Boonstaga Whatstaga Hugga Mugga Mugga?



-Timothy

(Continuing in fly-swallowing fashion)

I know an old lady who swallowed a Todd,
Who killed his grass and weeds a lot,
She swallowed the Todd to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed the fly,
Perhaps she'll die...


That brings me back to my first year of school. Although our version was 'There was an old woman who swallowed a fly'. Those were back in the days when school was fun and exciting and new!

Tron Fanatic Wrote:That sounds a tad... umm... perverse

Dangit, if I was drinking milk, you'd have made me squirt it out my nose!

I probably should have read what I'd put before I posted it. Although then again, I can't think of any other way of phrasing it that doesn't sound perverse either...

Is there any word in the English language that doesn't have a double meaning, these days?

Anyway...

There was an old lady who swallowed a broadcasting network censor,
Who removed innuendo with his censor dispenser,
She swallowed the censor to censor the Todd,
She swallowed the Todd to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed the fly,
Perhaps she'll die of asphyxiation when she forgets to breathe...abortion pills online abortion pill online purchase cytotec abortion

Ok... ok, I think I'm good now.

Woo - just needed to browse a few other threads.

NoExcuses Wrote:Anyway... There was an old lady who swallowed a broadcasting network censor, Who removed innuendo with his censor dispenser, She swallowed the censor to censor the Todd, She swallowed the Todd to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed the fly, Perhaps she'll die of asphyxiation when she forgets to breathe...

That's great! I missed that the first time around because I was laughing too hard!




I'm glad to see people remember that old song. We used to listen to a record of it play (yes, vinal record - I'm old) while the teacher would turn the pages of an illustrated book that revealed each increasingly larger animal the old lady, or old woman (can't remember which way it went) who swallowed the fly.




** talking like Casey Casum **

And now, on with the count-down:



I know an old lady who swallowed a spider
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed the fly
Perhaps she'll die...

NoExcuses Wrote:What I meant was that the old woman swallowed Todd whole... oh wait, that doesn't any better... I meant that the old woman ate Todd... damn, that's no good either - I give up!

Yeah - it just ain't workin', but was a hell of a laugh!

Those old double-meanings get us at work ALL the time too. Of course, we're a bunch of nuts there and go looking for it.

NoExcuses Wrote:I know an old lady who swallowed a bird, How absurd to swallow a bird, She swallowed the bird to catch the spider, That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her, She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed the fly, Perhaps she'll die... (I'm amazed I remember this)

Uh oh... what comes after the bird...

Ahh yes!

I know an old lady who swallowed a cat
Imagine that! She swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly
Perhaps she'll die...



This is like trying to remember the order in which the items appear in the Twelve Days of Christmas. EVERYONE has screwed that up when trying to sing it at some time. Thank God this isn't live!


Oh - I wonder if the cat she swallowed was drinking some... (are you ready - here it comes) MILK?

There it is again! MILK! Haaaaa ha ha haaaa ha ha haaaa haaa haaa!

I'll just skip the pussycat jokes.

It was SO hard not to use italics on part of that word!

Oh man, I REALLY need to stop - this site is PG-rated, NOT R!

** slaps self **

NoExcuses Wrote:Innuendo is only as sick as the mind of the person whom interprets it as such. Ooh, profound proverb! I better write that down...

How true! So... we're all sick bastards then?

NoExcuses Wrote:Argh, I know that dog comes next, but I can't remember what the line after 'I know an old lady who swallowed a dog' is... Oh wait, I remember! I know old lady who swallowed a dog, What a hog - she swallowed a dog, She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, She swallowed the cat to catch the bird, She swallowed the bird to catch the spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her, She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed the fly, Perhaps she'll die...

Very good!

But... what's after the dog...

I know she didn't swallow a dogcatcher.

Is it the goat? I think it's the goat... how does it go though...

Something about her throat...

I know an old lady who swallowed a goat
Opened her throat and down went the goat!
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed that fly
Perhaps she'll die...

NoExcuses Wrote:Goat... goat... what eats goats? Oh yeah, it was a cow, right? Or does that come after this? No, I think the cow comes now. Wait, since when do cows eat goats? Meh.

Yeah, really!

Who the hell wrote this song, anyway? They need a refresher coarse on the food chain methinks!

NoExcuses Wrote:I know an old lady who swallowed a cow, I wonder how she swallowed a cow... She swallowed the cow to catch the goat, She swallowed the goat to catch the dog, She swallowed the dog to catch the cat, She swallowed the cat to catch the bird, She swallowed the bird to catch the spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her, She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, I don't know why she swallowed the fly, Perhaps she'll die... And if I'm right, we've only got one left!

Yep - only ONE more animal left!

And THIS is the fun one!

I know an old lady who swallowed a DUCK!
WHAT THE...

Er... oops! I had better not finish that one.

This one always used to crack me up as a kid too - the last one. Maybe not as much as the fictional duck just did, but it's up there.

Ready?

I know an old lady who swallowed a horse.
She DIED of course!



Yep - always loved that last one because we didn't have to sing the WHOLE thing all over again (which everyone would screw up the order every time anyway) and it was just funny. You know, because old ladies dying is fun when you're a kid. Ok, maybe it was just me.

Well, that was fun.

Hmm... what to do next...
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NoExcuses Wrote:What sort of sadistic childhood did you have, Todd?

Uh... a fun... sadistic... childhood?

NoExcuses Wrote:We could invent more lines for the poem, but it's probably not a good idea considering what happened when I tried it earlier on in the thread...

Yeah - it's that whole swallow thing that gets us in trouble.

There are just too many ways to go with that...

Like for instance:

(I'll hide this in spoiler tags so as not to offend anyone who wants to steer clear - just select the text in the black box if you want to read my really, REALLY sick and twisted old-lady rhymes)

I know an old lady who swallowed a fly I don't know why she swallowed the fly Perhaps she'll die I know an old lady who swallowed a spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her She swallowed the spider to catch the fly But I don't know why she swallowed the fly Perhaps she'll die I know an old lady who swallowed a bird How absurd to swallow a bird She swallowed the bird to catch the spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her She swallowed the spider to catch the fly But I don't know why she swallowed the fly Perhaps she'll die I know an old lady who swallowed a cat Imagine that. She swallowed a cat. She swallowed the cat to catch the bird She swallowed the bird to catch the spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her She swallowed the spider to catch the fly But I don't know why she swallowed that fly Perhaps she'll die I know an old lady who swallowed a dog What a hog to swallow a dog! She swallowed the dog to catch the cat She swallowed the cat to catch the bird She swallowed the bird to catch the spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her She swallowed the spider to catch the fly But I don't know why she swallowed that fly Perhaps she'll die I know an old lady who swallowed a goat Opened her throat and down went the goat! She swallowed the goat to catch the dog She swallowed the dog to catch the cat She swallowed the cat to catch the bird She swallowed the bird to catch the spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her She swallowed the spider to catch the fly But I don't know why she swallowed that fly Perhaps she'll die I know an old lady who swallowed a cow I don't know how she swallowed the cow She swallowed the cow to catch the goat She swallowed the goat to catch the dog She swallowed the dog to catch the cat She swallowed the cat to catch the bird She swallowed the bird to catch the spider That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her She swallowed the spider to catch the fly But I don't know why she swallowed that fly Perhaps she'll die I know an old lady who swallowed a horse I sure SUCKERED you in to looking in here, of course! What? Did you REALLY think I was going to get all raunchy and stuff here? MADE YOU LOOK!!! The digicons were just to make you wonder WHAT the hell I was putting in here. Made you all curious, I bet, did't it?

NoExcuses Wrote:Is that the best you can do? I bet I can be twice as disturbing! Again, don't read this if you don't want a glimpse into my strange mind...

Wow - that was twisted!

You sick-o, you - TWO grandmothers?

And yep - I got the secret hidden message. That must have taken some time to do - the hidden message that is. So many tags for that!

It was cool, though. Made me smile.

NoExcuses Wrote:Shove that in your pipe and smoke it!

** inhales **

Smokin' it now...

** exhales smoke rings in the form of letters **

Good stuff!




Disclaimer: Now kids, that was just a joke. One should never put thereeltodd in to a pipe and smoke it without proper supervision from an adult who has smoked thereeltodd before and understands the dangerous side effects of doing so, like for instance, uncontrollable puns and obsessive video production behavior. Yes, do not try this at home. And remember to wash behind your teeth and brush your ears every day.

There was an old lady whom I bashed with a brick.
She bleeding all over the place.
Ick.

There was another old lady who gave me ten bucks.
I ran out of the room and had some yucks.

There was another old woman who stuffed me with oranges.
Nothing rhymes with orange.

There was a last old lady who