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Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow *KERPLOSION!*

Do not feed robotic cats Meow Mix.

I wish for Polo mints!

You get a camel instead.

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but it melts

i wish for PUPPIES!

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You get an old typewriter eraser. (If you haven't seen these, they look like pencils with the eraser (which you sharpen like a pencil) on one end, and a stiff brush on the other.)

I wish I had a webtablet. (An art tablet you can use with a paint program and draw with a stylis.)

There is a knock at the front door. You go and open it. You look all round, but there is no one there. You were about to close the door when you look down to see a monkey on a skateboard holding a plate of manky-looking mashed potato.

"Oh no," you groan. "I didn't order this! Take it away!"

But the monkey just sits there, looking at you.

"Take it away!" you say. "Come on! Take it back to the wish givers! You know! Harpo989!!"

You hold out your arms and puff your cheeks out in an attempt to imitate Harpo. But the monkey will not move.

"Okay, let's try something easier," you say, bending down to the monkey's level. "Take it next door." You point to his house. "Take it there. He'll have it!"

But still the monkey will not move.

"Right!" you exclaim. "I'll take you then!" You pick up the monkey, carry it across to the next house and plonk it on the doorstep. You ring the doorbell and quickly dash back over to your house.

But when you get back to your doorstep you are most surprised to see a Ford Anglia reversing up your driveway. When it stops, someone gets out of it. You look at it in bewilderment.

"Are you Mr Shadow?" says the man, getting out of the car.

"Tis I!" you declare.

"Congratulations, welcome to your new car!" says the man.

"I didn't order a new car!" you say.

"It's a very nice car!" said the man.

"I don't want it!" you say. "Why are you trying to sell it to me?!"

"Sorry, I forgot to mention," says the man. "Me and CalvinSpiff have come to an agreement, which means that Calvin Cars Online and Men & Motors are delighted to announce that they have joined forces to sell quality fast Fords over the Internet!! And you're our first customer!"

"But...but..." you say. You look round at the next house, where your neighbour is standing on his doorstep trying to talk to a monkey. When you looked back another person had suddenly appeared with a bucket and ladder.

"What are you doing?!" you said.

"I've come to clean yer windas!" said the new man. "I'm from Calvin Winda Cleanin' Online, and we just received yer order over the Internet!"

"But I didn't order..."

Then as if things couldn't get any worse, I walk up the driveway pushing a wardrobe.

"Afternoon Shadow!!" I say. "Thank you for ordering a selection of stylish jumpers from Calvin Wear Online!"

I open the wardrobe to reveal a selection of hideous jumpers, just like the ones you had only recently managed to rid yourself of.

"And while I'm here, let me confirm that holiday to the Maldives you just be booking!!"

"Oh for goodness sake, I didn't book a holiday!!!" you exclaim. "And I didn't order any jumpers!! Or a car!! Or any window cleaning!! Or even any mashed potato!!!!!"

"Ah, I think you be finding you did!" I say. I wave several order forms in your face. You look at them, and your heart sinks. You realised that you must have accidentally ordered all of this rubbish when you had forgotten to do a wish earlier.

"Well I'm sorry everybody, but I don't want any of this stuff!" you say. "Please take it all away!!"

Shrugging their shoulders, the various people begin to mope away from your driveway.

"And that includes you!" you say to the monkey, who had just reappeared on your doorstep after the neighbour had convinced it to go back to where it had come from.

*whew!*





I wish for comics!

You get your cluster disc, no strings attached.

I wish I'd get a girlfriend sometime in the near century. :P

The world doesn't end. But all life on it dies. On your birthday!

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