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DJ Aussie E.
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Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Friday, April, 15, 2005 11:44 PM
So that's what I/O node messages come out on the other side... How do users reply?


 
Boingo_Buzzard
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Friday, April, 22, 2005 7:58 PM
Hello... here's some (hopefully helpful) criticism.

Descriptions about shapes seems a little.... sterile. I know that things in the Tron universe actually are mostly geometric shapes of some kind... but descriptions like "gray ring with yellow squares" doesn't really evoke any images for me. Maybe you can flush things out a little more by making some analogy or perhaps describing it's function or something. A very tough thing to do with a Tron fanfic, I know!

I like the concept of a foreign language in the computer. Why shouldn't there be? Very original!

Description of action sometimes doesnt flow very easily. Sentences like "The ones without those triangular objects produced ones and turned towards the woman." kind of tripped me up a little. It seems a little methodical and maybe some kind of not so linear narrative might help with this. The "show me don't tell me" concept.

I thought the description of being on a lightcycle for the first time was good.

You're good at dialog between characters. It was easy to follow and flowed well.

Nice description of what comes out of an I/O node on the other end.

Very good job. Hope my comments helped.



 
Conduit
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, April, 23, 2005 9:07 PM
Boingo_Buzzard, thanks for the comments. I completely agree with you about the criticisms. I'll try to describe things with analogies more in the future. I've noticed that my descriptions of action tend to be a little clunky. I'll see if I can write things less linearily.

As for the foreign language, I meant that to be the datawraith's encryption. Though I suppose that technically is a foreign language, though.


 
DJ Aussie E.
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Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Thursday, May, 05, 2005 6:54 PM
Yep! great work!


 
Blue Hero Kid
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Sunday, May, 15, 2005 1:38 PM
Kamui Wrote:ARGH! It's the Legend of the Frenchman part 2! Dave versus BHK! Who will emerge victorious (YAY! DAVE!) and who will be eatin' grid (*coughbhkcough*)?

Yes. The Frenchman has an interesting story that reminds me of DaveTRON and the BHK situation.

~Kamui.EXE
I'd bid 20$ on myself.

http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Blue%20Corrupt%20Kid
Go ahead. Click this link.
 
Conduit
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, May, 18, 2005 6:28 PM
Chapter 4 up. Sorry it took so long, I spent a few weeks trying to work past my writers block, and I eventually decided to just post it as is.


 
FreedomForever
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, May, 18, 2005 7:16 PM
COOOOOOOOOOOL! How thew guy didn't get corrupted I have no CLU


 
Conduit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Tuesday, May, 24, 2005 7:58 PM
anyone else have anything to say? By the way, I just added a quote to the beginning like you find in some books.


 
FreedomForever
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, May, 28, 2005 1:17 PM
Bhk has done it again! Someone who can, delete that post, PLEASE! Also, GOOOD STORY!


 
Boingo_Buzzard
User

Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, May, 28, 2005 1:42 PM


Very good installment. Sets up a lot of the backstory and gives us some idea now how it's going to tie into the Tron 2.0 universe.

Your dialouge, as always, is very good and flows quite easily. I was left wanting more information about who these other characters were (the ones who found the baseball), and that's good. You're whetting the reader's appetite for more info and that's always a good thing.. keeps 'em hooked.

I liked your description of pain in the computer world, and also, this time seeing communication from the REAL world as opposed to from inside the computer.

Your story is starting to develop and you're providing hooks for the reader to keep them interested in what might happen next.

Your writing has definately improved since your first chapter.

Really good! Keep going!




 
DJ Aussie E.
User

Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Tuesday, June, 07, 2005 8:42 PM
Please continue!


 
FreedomForever
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, June, 08, 2005 6:09 PM
Boingo_Buzzard Wrote:

Your writing has definately improved since your first chapter.





Are you saying his first chapter wasn't good?


 
DJ Aussie E.
User

Posts: 359
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, August, 27, 2005 2:04 AM
I saw that BHK has inserted himself once again.


 
Boingo_Buzzard
User

Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, August, 27, 2005 3:07 AM
FreedomForever Wrote:
Are you saying his first chapter wasn't good?

No, I was saying his second chapter improved on the first.





 
Conduit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Wednesday, December, 28, 2005 8:59 PM
Chapter 5 is up. This one's kind of short.

And could someone please delete BHK's post?


 
FreedomForever
User

Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Thursday, December, 29, 2005 1:24 PM
Yay! Keep up the good work!


 
Conduit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Monday, January, 02, 2006 1:11 PM
*twiddles thumbs and waits for more comments*


 
Conduit
User

Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Thursday, January, 19, 2006 6:14 PM
I guess no one else has any comments to make.


 
gRiD_89a
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Posts: 0
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Saturday, January, 21, 2006 9:10 PM
i really liked it man, yah i like the idea of what pain feels like
you should expand on that, being in the world of tron was never really covered, like all the sensations touch smell taste etc!!!!!


 
clu_backup
User

Posts: 98
Re: Tron 3.0 Review Topic

on Tuesday, May, 02, 2006 6:02 PM
conduit, you definitely have writing talent! I'm impressed. You describe things vividly, and it's full of action. Keep it up.


 
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